Sex

Talking sex with your daughter: Here’s how to initiate the difficult yet essential conversation

Indian subcontinent populace, popularly known as the ‘desi’ populace is known to be extremely reluctant when it comes to discussing sex openly, yet overtly exulhtant behind the doors *coughs*high population rates*coughs*. So how do you talk sex with your kids in a place where the mere utterance of the word is considered profane? At the same time, sex education is extremely important. Yes, cultural upbringing does make it awkward to initiate the conversations. More so when you have to talk to your daughter about it. How to talk about terms such as masturbation, contraception and more, when just the other day you were talking fairy tales? But, we have to start some time, some place. So why not today?  

 

The first thing is to be comfortable in the subject yourself and have a friendly relationship with your daughter. The next steps become fairly bearable if not entirely comfortable.

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Niyati Shah, sexuality educator and founder of Averti, a sexual awareness project shares her advice on how to initiate conversation with your daughter on topics related to sex.

sex educator Niyatii Shah

sex educator Niyatii Shah

  • Mothers should grab opportunities from everyday conversations to educate and empower their daughters.
  • Stories from the newspapers can be one of the best ways to begin talking or talk about a specific point that you would want to emphasise on.
  • Real life incidents can be very comforting to talk about, especially with a teen because it’s not she who is being discussed. Thus, she will openly talk about her thoughts and beliefs. Understanding your daughter and her perspective is important here. You can help with any corrections if needed while referring to the incident.
  • Movies can truly be an excuse to talk about love, relationships, and sex. While watching or just after watching a movie, you can strike a conversation about a particular scene or a relationship depicted in the movies, and have your daughter express her own thoughts on the same. This way she won’t feel lectured or preached and will be a part of the discussion willingly.
  • Use diagrams to explain the male and female reproductive systems. You can even start educating them about it at a very young age when bathing them.

What is the right age to talk about sex with your daughter?

With porn being so easily accessible, a lot of children know about sex much earlier, that too in an unrealistic and distorted way. Thus, the best way is to initiate the conversation yourself. A good age would be 10-12 years, just before they hit puberty.

 

How much should they know at a particular age?

It completely depends on the need of the situation. If there’s no dire need to explain sex, you can start by talking about puberty by age 9 and why it is going to happen to her. You can then talk about the feelings of arousal, the sudden changes in the body, the male anatomy by age 11 and slowly by the age 13 you can move to the talk about sex.

 

Remember, sex is not a taboo and you as a mother must be convinced about it before you initiate this conversation. Be a friend and don’t judge your daughter for having opinions about sexual attraction. A healthy discussion not just about the sexual act but the consequences of it and a progressive approach can help you educate your daughter better. 

 

4 GOT Positions That’ll Not Leave You High and Dry Like the Last Season

By Bhakti Paun Sharma

Sex, war, and a quest for megalomaniac power; this is what defines one of the most magnificent shows of HBO, Game of Thrones. The show that started off with much fanfare, had an edge which increased with every season, and was no less than the seven erogenous zones steadily leading to an orgasmic finish. Sadly, the last season left all the fans high and dry, just like a session that started off great but ended on an extremely disappointing note. However, the show will forever be remembered for its rich character arcs and situational details in the grand historical universe that it presented. But, apart from that, it will also be remembered for the steamy and scorching sexual escapades that it presented. Boy, they surely had us sweating and played a part in getting us in the mood.

While the last season may not have given us the ultimate fruit of fantasy that we anticipated, the show overall has given us sexcapades and sex positions to spice up our life between the sheets. 

So, here are our suggestions, a la GOT way. Takes notes, ladies and gentlemen; the temperature’s about to hit the roof.

An Icy Drip a la The Night King

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Well, he may be the undead who died, but there was an appeal about the icy cold king. Imagine the coolness of skin against skin, dripping with frozen ice. Trippy, yes. Scary, check. However, not so much if the person in play is your partner. Lots of ice and condoms with cooling effect will add spice to the settings of wet sheets.

Go all the way standing against the white walls, or use your shower as a prop, with ice thrown in for effect. While the literal character may have terrored everyone out of their wits, our imagination surely is up for something more.

Slick like the Unsullied

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Well, well. While the Unsullied may have been castrated, but one thing that they are truly slick with is the art of oral. Going down is the way forward. Unsullied are great at taking orders too. So, if you are the one who wants to play the game of dominance and submission in bed, this is the perfect GOT mantra to follow. After all, what can be better than the aggression of war coming to bed, with a furious passion setting the pace? Use leather belts, spank to sass up, and sweat it all out with each other as you pant your way up to an orgasm never felt before. Dress up vintage, to add a flavour.

Ride the Stallion

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Daenerys may have been a demure and scared bride when the ferocious Khal Drogo first took her virginity, but with time, the two developed a sexual intimacy which set the tents on fire. Why not? She was the mother of dragons; and this dragon queen rode the stallion that Drogo is with a fierce urgency which you bring to the bedroom. Raw, passionate, urgent, riding the stallion will bring out the animal inside you as you claw on to your partner, driving both of you crazy. Rear entry or reverse cowgirl; go all the way in to come all the way out. Tug, pull, scratch; this is no position to be coy at.

Arch on the Iron Throne

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Go skin to skin on the cold iron of the throne everyone was fighting for. Give a new twist to the iconic chair position with this metallic touch as your bodies fuse together with an urgent fervour. Why not be the woman on top here and have a steamy session post lunch? Bonus point: This position also gives maximum access to your clit, with perfect strokes intensifying your pleasure.

Do it all, and do it with a touch of extra; fierce, hot, urgent. GOT season may have left the fans high and dry, but you wouldn’t want that, would you?

DEAR MEN, YOUR WOMEN AREN’T ORGASMING! HERE’S WHERE YOU MAY BE GOING WRONG

By Bhakti Paun Sharma

Durex recently conducted a survey, and the result of which stated that nearly 70% of women in India do not orgasm every time they have sex. The inequality of the situation was quite jarring and shocking. Forget that, the reactions to the results were even more discerning. While many men were shocked to find out that their women faked orgasms, a few were ignorant enough to state that women cannot have orgasms for they don’t need to ejaculate. What even!

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The discussion around female orgasm has been painfully limited and horrifically exaggerated (in the adult film industry), leading to unrealistic expectations which almost always show a lasting man and a woman orgasmic multiple times. Add lack of sex education to this equation and you create a whole generation that is painfully unaware of its own body and pleasure points, let alone that of the partner.

Well, one good thing in today’s times of social media is that finally, matters are coming to light. So men, while we will guide you to the act later, here we are, charting out a few mistakes that you need to avoid if you want to give your partner the best orgasm ever.

Mistake # 1: Not listening to your partner

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Being attentive to your partner means listening to what they say and making sure you put it to practice. For this, it is imperative to know the difference between two female organs responsible for orgasms: the clitoris and the vagina.

With time, men may know what a clitoris is, but they are yet to master the art of stroking it correctly. A survey indicates that women orgasm in 45% of cases when a man strokes the clit. However, the probability reaches a whopping 95% when women do it themselves.

Pay attention to her moans and movements, feel her vibrations to understand what she enjoys each time you go down on her. Adjust your rhythm accordingly. Another source of pleasure which must not be neglected is the vagina. There are indeed many women who cannot get vaginal orgasm when they are penetrated. However, fingering definitely helps. Take help from your partner and ask them how and what they like.

Mistake # 2: Neglecting personal hygiene

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Love can conquer it all, but not body odour or lack of hygiene.  This can have a real impact on the pleasure, and even the frequency of sexual intercourse. If you really wish to be desirable, simply keep your privates clean. If your woman likes it clean shaved, ensure you trim the area from time to time.

Mistake # 3: Selective affection

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Most men have an unintentional itch; that of either displaying their emotional and romantic side when they want sex, or just during the act, seldom otherwise. STOP! It’s doing you more harm than good; both to your relationship and your sex drive, not that they both are exclusive of each other. Seriously, be consistent in your efforts.

“I know he wants good sex. So he starts sending me lovey-dovey, even cheesy messages since morning. I play along, but deep down I feel I am being used and so I don’t enjoy the moments as much. It keeps playing my mind,” says Mallika.

Introspect, dear men.

Mistake # 4: I know it all!

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For the fear of being judged, instead of confessing that they are not comfortable with certain positions, some men prefer to try, thinking that it will come naturally. Now, the mistake that can prevent your partner from reaching the big O is to imagine that making love is self-evident, that there is nothing to learn. Love-making is an art and just like any other form, it needs to be learnt.

So, my friend, if pornography remains your sole reference and preference in terms of sex, you need to up your knowledge game.

Sex is a two-way street. Let’s try and improve our stats. 

Masturbation and Music: An M&M more sweet and sensory than the original

By Bhakti Paun Sharma

Isn’t it surreal how music accompanies us in every moment of our life? It rhythms our frolics from the most tender to the most passionate and is an invisible shoulder when we are lonely and mellow. However, what if we tell you that there are songs and symphonies that can get you hot and high, turning your faucets just the right way? These are the songs that can amplify your emotions and create an undying memory of your clinching sessions.

Music conveys sensations and thus accelerates sexual pleasure. This effect is related to the secretion of dopamine by the brain. For those unaware, dopamine is the neurotransmitter that is responsible for the chills that you experience while listening to a song.

While porn with its mystical moans, or even erotic literature is your pick. However, we strongly advise you to try to use music as a backdrop for you to build exciting fantasies. Get transported into the world of your imagination and let nothing bar your creativity here.

And that’s why, we have prepared a playlist for you to indulge into the novelle way of indulging into some delicious activities for self pleasure. From classics to pop to film music, we present you our Top 15 most sensual songs. Up your masturbation game this may as the month of #Maysturbation takes over.

Sexxx Dreams – Lady Gaga

Love Me Like You Do – Ellie Goulding

Sex With Me – Rihanna

Love Me Harder – Ariana Grande and The Weeknd

Let Me Love You – Ariana Grande and Lil Wayne

Rocket – Beyoncé

Touch My Body – Mariah Carey

Hands to Myself – Selena Gomez

Burning Desire – Lana Del Rey

Meet Me in the Middle – Jessie Ware

Make You Feel – Alina Baraz

Lovage – Sex (I’m A)

Teardrop – Massive Attack

Glory Box – Portishead

Gimme Your Love – Morcheeba

Initiate your journey to ecstasy. Get, set, and go with one hand on the play button and the other on your honeypot, and immerse in the sea of pleasure.

Which ones are your favourites? Do you have more to suggest? Pipe up in the comments to let us know.

Expert Speaks: Does masturbation affect a person’s virginity?

By Bhakti Paun Sharma

Masturbation, specifically female masturbation, is a territory less explored and mostly forbidden. As a result, there are many myths that cloud over the clear picture. One of the most common one, for instance, is whether one remains a virgin after masturbating. The question is really not surprising given the honour that is placed on a girl’s virginity in the Indian sub-continent. As the month of Maysturbation kicks off, we at She & You have decided to carry the baton of clearing the mist around the mast of pleasure; all with the help of experts.

So coming back to the topic. Let’s re-frame the question Will the hymen remain intact after masturbation? We consulted Sexologist and founder of Infinity Clinic, Delhi, Dr. Anuneet Sabharwal, MD Psychiatry and he had some interesting this to share with us on the matter.

Rest easy, women, for masturbation does not affect your hymen in anyway, if at all that matters much to you. Female masturbation, in most cases, targets the clitoris and not the vagina. Also, contrary to the popular opinion, the hymen doesn’t determine whether or not you are a virgin. You can have an intact hymen but not be a virgin. You can also be a virgin and yet have a torn hymen (by the introduction of a tampon, a finger, vigorous exercise, or an accident). So, if you need to know if your hymen is intact, get it examined.

Culturally, we have often attributed a symbolic value to virginity; and usually, it is the first sexual relationship that determines the end of it. Masturbation, therefore, has nothing to do with it. The hymen, a thin membrane attached to the walls of the vagina immediately behind the vaginal opening, is very different in shape, elasticity, and thickness, and also differs from one woman to another. Also, did you know that some girls are born without hymen?

There are numerous circumstances that may lead to the tearing of hymen and subsequent loss of virginity. In some women, it perforates more easily than others, according to the characteristics of their hymen (types of perforation, flexibility or rigidity, thickness). Regarding the insertion of a finger into the vagina (by a partner or by the woman herself), different scenarios are possible. The hymen can remain intact, be partially perforated, or more rarely, be torn. It can be accidentally torn during a fall or through vigorous exercise too. Sometimes the hymen is so elastic that it does not break even after several such episodes.

On the contrary, it can happen that certain sports activities, such as cycling or horseback riding, can lead to tearing of this membrane. Of course, the use of a tampon or masturbation can also cause it to break but are not the sole reasons. Hence, the rupture of hymen is merely a symbolic and cultural reference to virginity.

All being said and done, masturbation really has less to no connect with the loss of hymen and virginity. However, we are in the 21st century. It is high time we got off the horse of purity and virginity, and stopped considering sex a taboo or even a benchmark of a woman’s character. Women are much more than a mere stain on the bed sheet, post the wedding night.

Fingering out the benefits of female masturbation

By Bhakti Paun Sharma

Women and masturbation; there was a time when all hell would have broken loose had these two words been used in the same breath. Unlike males, females have forever been asked to suppress their desires in the name of culture. As a result, even masturbation was an unknown territory for the longest time, and a forbidden one even after. Even though we are in the 21st century, and times are slowly changing with the acceptance of liberal views, female sexuality is still much of a taboo in a country like ours which runs on familial values and concepts and considers sex and desires as sins. Various scary superstitions were also promoted to keep women away from pleasuring themselves. For example, they were told that masturbation is an evil practice that would lead to blindness, impotency, acne, and more. The number of women who masturbate is less than half of the men; and these figures comprise only the reported ones which come majorly from urban and woke people. Remote areas cannot even fathom the fact that women have desires.

However, all of it is a myth. Masturbation is actually healthy for you and studies and research have proved the same. Sexologist and founder of Infinity Clinic, Delhi, Dr. Anuneet Sabharwal, MD Psychiatry shares with us some of these pros of masturbation.

Encourages exploration of self

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Many women are unaware of their own anatomy and how they can pleasure themselves. Masturbation encourages them to explore and understand their own bodies and fall in love with it. After all, you’ll only discover what stimulates you sexually when you caress yourself; and it is only then you can boldly tell your partner the same too.

Helps you sleep better

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Orgasms lead to a massive release of endorphins, which promote a deep sleep and produce an intense sensation of all being well. Masturbation before bedtime will give you a good night’s sleep.

Breaks the dry spell

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Casual sex is not everyone’s cup of tea and there are times when you may not be ready to be in a relationship, emotionally or physically. For those times, masturbation is the best way to release the sexual tension and satiate your libido.

Busts that pain

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Endorphins, which are released in massive numbers as you orgasm, act as natural painkillers. These help not only with migraine pains, but also the cramps related to menstruation. While sex toys and fingers may not be your choice at that point of time, you can try different positions of rubbing and throbbing to reach your ultimate goal.

Eases that stress

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As per a study, it takes a woman to reach orgasm in about four minutes, when she masturbates; which is a good way of getting rid of all the worries and indulging in a few stolen moments of satisfaction and happiness.

Promotes and promises better sex

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It is a false belief that masturbation leads to a damp sex life for it raises the bar too high. Yeah, apparently women reaching a climax during sex is a high bar. Nevertheless, masturbation is one of the best ways to improve your sex life for you can educate your partner and guide him or her towards your sexual points in a better way.

A finger a day, truly keeps dissatisfaction and sadness away. So, flick your pot honey, because masturbation is here to stay. 

We’ll take your leave with this glorious parting message.

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Feature image credit: Christopher Campbell/Unsplash

The Story of Lust Stories

The films I directed were the ones submitted as part of my BMM projects. The films I produced were a part of the overall brand & communications strategy planned for clients as an experiential producer and director. The words I have written range from poetry that started in school, articles for my grad-school paper, strategic pieces for our experiential marketing startup and the first ten thousand words of a commissioned book. I am not an established filmmaker, screenplay writer or a film producer. Who I am, especially in the context of this story, is a 30-something woman from Mumbai, who has decided to dabble in the new, to leave the path well-travelled and forge a new one, to be able to do more – all because she chooses happiness – her happiness first, above everything else. Which is why when SAY asked me to review Lust Stories, I jumped at it.

About 2 weeks ago, I saw Veere Di Wedding. Probably like every other woman in this country, girlfriends in tow. (Yes, this is still a review for Lust Stories… walk with me over the next para!) I have three things to thank VDW for – first the term Veere – the half punjabi in me couldn’t help but be overjoyed at calling my girls that (a lot more effortlessly than the ten odd times the girls did in VDW), second – the outfits (#nuffsaid!) and finally for being bold enough to show an Indian woman masturbating on 70MM in India. (Yes, we do that and enjoy it, a lot!) That is it. I walked out of VDW unmoved, untouched and aghast at the absence of a compelling story. But what VDW does is create an even more compelling case for anyone to watch a movie like Lust Stories.

Lust Stories is exactly that; an anthology of four stories of women from different walks of life – be it their profession, their family background, their social standing, their geography or their age – but each driven by her innate desire and acting on it! In 30 minutes, what every story does is it makes you feel, think and have a conversation with yourself.

For instance, Radhika Apte’s angst, confusion, overthinking and clingy behaviour in Anurag Kashyap’s story irritates you and may even leave you with a scowl with her constant oscillation between a modern-day ‘I don’t give a damn!’ woman to that of the stereotypical perception of a girlfriend.

Zoya Akhtar, stuns you right at the opening of her story as she shows Bhumi and Neil in all their glorious nudity having sex, no – not making love, just enjoying sex. Game of Thrones brought our voyeuristic side to the forefront with all that was declared NSFW but I still can’t easily remember an Indian movie that showed sex for sex in a manner such as this. The cherry on the cake is the plot itself as Bhumi brilliantly portrays the housemaid who doesn’t just indulge in her sexuality and struggle with her realisations and emotions when Neil is meeting the girl he’s going to marry, but easily transitions into practicality and moves on. This is something that most women are not given enough credit for!

Enter Manisha Koirala, clad in a swimsuit, cellulite aplenty and confidence that’s over the top and matched by her simple demure sensationalism! Dibakar Banerjee shows us a well-settled educated rich woman who chose her kids over her career as her husband’s grew and never came back to it. She’s having an affair with the husband’s best friend, mostly owing to her own husband’s callous and transactional behavior towards her, and has no qualms about it. The cool-headed clarity and candour that her character depicts is refreshing to see. What impressed me was not only her character, but also that of her husband, Sanjay Kapoor. Masculinity in all its shades – boisterous, egoistic, strong, callous, needy, scared, weak and it all – it’s real.

The final story, in true Karan Johar style is about family, society, culture, marriage, relationships, parents, in-laws, love set in a conservative yet cleavage-showing, smaller town context. It’s about a wife (Kiara Advani) whose husband (Vicky Kaushal) doesn’t realise that sex has to be pleasurable for both partners. You don’t hate him though (that may also be ‘cause you’re not his wife or partner!) but that apart, you empathise with him for his ignorance and his upbringing that makes him as conscious when his wife brings up porn & hints at what she wants. You also laugh at the 1-2-3-4-5! (you’ve to watch it to get this!) In a country where frogs are still married to call for rain, bringing in a vibrator or a dildo is still considered illegal and a lot of us urban women are still unsure if selling sex toys is permissible or not; it’s predictable, hilarious and still a hell-yeah moment to see the dutiful daughter-in-law orgasm in the middle of a living room with her husband in shock, her mother-in-law disgusted and her sister-in-law craving that very feeling!
The only thing that trumps it is Neha Dhupia, a happy divorcee (because the country still works on labels!) unabashedly pleasuring herself in the school library! How many urban women here indulge in not just PDA but their thrills as such?

Lust Stories has brought the woman protagonist alive, in a very everyday, believable and relatable way. It inspires you not in the way a motivational speech or quote is supposed to, in a way that induces goosebumps but in a way that just stays with you as a constant beacon to choose your happiness.

 

by Megha Ghosh
Experiential Producer, Show Director
Brand & Marketing Consultant, Entrepreneur
Woman in Leadership & Co-founder, deciBel.

Sex Facts – Decoding The Emergency Pill

Knowing when to use emergency pills

The sun is piercing through the window waking you up and the flashes of a wonderful night run past you. However, try as you may you just can’t remember one crucial detail in the hot love-making last night – protection! After all, you were pretty distracted. Frantically, you call all your girlfriends for damage control. And invariably all of them will refer you to the one old trick – the pink pill.
The sun is piercing through the window waking you up and the flashes of a wonderful night run past you. However, try as you may you just can’t remember one crucial detail in the hot love-making last night – protection! After all, you were pretty distracted. Frantically, you call all your girlfriends for damage control. And invariably all of them will refer you to the one old trick – the pill.

What is it?

The ‘After morning pills’, also known as emergency contraceptive pills, have been the saving grace for many women who have no intention of being faced with an unplanned pregnancy. The effectiveness of the pills depends on how soon you take them post unprotected sex. Sooner you take, higher the chances to prevent a pregnancy. It is advisable to take a pill within 72 hours of unprotected sex can prevent pregnancy.

In India, popular brands like I-Pill and Unwanted 72 have taken a lot of effort to establish themselves as a reliable source to confirm pregnancy.

However, do note not to confuse them with normal contraceptive pills. There is a reason they are called emergency pills, girls.

Moreover, these pills are available over-the-counter without a doctor’s prescription and are widely available. Most probably a squeamish chemist’s assistant would wrap it in a brown paper for you. Nevertheless, it is always better to consult a gynaecologist before popping one.

Here are a few facts you should be armed with before you decide to have an emergency pill.

1. Emergency Contraceptive (EC) pills are not abortion pills. They can stop pregnancy but will not to terminate it. They are highly ineffective if you are already pregnant.

2. Do lay importance to the word, Emergency in EC pills. EC They cannot be used as a regular contraceptive method and can result in severe side effects if taken more than twice a month.

3. Also, it is imperative to take these pills within 72 hours after unprotected sex, the effect wane out if taken later.

4. EC Pills check pregnancy by preventing ovulation or fertilization or implantation of the fertilized egg.

5. If you are worried about contracting STDs, we regret to inform that EC Pills do not offer any protection against them.

6. In the case of any long term medication for any ailment, it is best to clear it with your doctor before taking a pill.

7. EC pills are an authorized emergency contraception measure. They have no long-term or fatal consequence. However, there are temporary side-effects like irregular menstruation, nausea, sore breasts, lower abdominal ache, bloating, headache and vomiting. These effects normally don’t last more than a few days.

These pills, although not claiming a hundred per cent effectiveness in the issue, does seem to be a widespread practice. Even then, we would always preach to be safe and practice protected sex rather than rely on emergency pills later. As they a say, a stitch in time…

Will Lipstick Under My Burkha trigger talks about women’s sexual health?

We remember the day when the release of the critically acclaimed, ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’ was announced (after a spate of cuts and ‘ouches’). It got us all excited like a child just got a fidget spinner. You ask why? Because all these years we have been waiting for a film which brought to light, even with a candle, the issue of women’s sexual health. And ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’ seems to trigger the talk.

In simplest terms, as per our understanding, feminism is an ideology, which believes in equal rights for women in all aspects. Including the aspects of sex and sexuality.

Whether it is under a choli or burkha, women’s sexuality has always been under wraps. She is not supposed to think sex, let alone express her desires. She is forced to hide, veil her sensuousness. Actually, it has nothing to do with clothes. It has nothing to do with the city she lives, or her marital status. It is simply a matter of unequal rights in the name of ‘respect’.

Even in the labyrinths of her mind and in her deep black holes (pun intended) the sex-thinks and her guilt run along together. But over these years, I constantly realized that in a typical Indian society, however forward we think we are, women are not attuned to speak out her intimate issues. Be it menstruation (which is changing now with San Nap revolutions) or sex, women don’t talk much even in their inner circles, or to their partners. In general we are not encouraged to speak out or share or voice our issues or desires. And when people don’t talk or read about it, the issues stay dormant. It’s time we ‘shake-up’ the dormancy a bit.

 

  • Why talking openly about sex is good for your health:

If you are wondering why do we need to get all ‘talky-talky- about something as private and intimate as ‘sex’, well hallelujah! Sex is an integral part of our lives, and well, it affects our mental and physical health. We indulge in food, in travel, in bags and shoes, in meditation and work…all these make us up…and so does sex! Sex makes us happy, sex triggers the right chemicals, and it helps fight depression. Sex is imperative for a healthy life, for after all we are sexual beings. There is nothing wrong, nothing dirty, nothing ‘sin’ about sex.

So while Lipstick Under My Burkha did touch upon the ‘issues’ women face when it comes to sexual and other freedom, what did not go down well with us was the vague and anti-climax end. We were expecting a stronger whiplash of the 4 protagonists, where each one breaks free in the true sense….or at least one of them shows the way out. Jointly smoking a cigarette was too weak a metaphor to express what needed to be expressed. Cigarettes have nothing to do with sexual freedom. Neither it burnt any myths. Maybe an eye-opening staunch stand by Konkona in favour of Buaji would have knocked some sense in the mohalla people. And in her own husband. What the film needed in the end was a scream, a voice, a resolution..which went phttttt and ended up in a smoke. Literally.

Which brings us to the question – was it a film to simply highlight what we all know, or was it supposed to shatter myths and see women’s sexuality in new light? Was it a feminist film asking for women’s rights to her own sexuality, or was it simply a puck which was tossed around, teasing us, saying now go play.

In our opinion, it was a puck. While it did not win a match or change any game, it certainly is a topic, which is now in the arena, and people can toss, play and try achieve feminist goals with.

So let’s play!

 

 

 

Tantric sex – the latest fad In town

It was the end of December when my friend from Sweden wanted to buy a specific gift for her boyfriend – a book on Tantric Sex! “What the hell is that now?” wondered my colleague when I mentioned the novel gift. I too was curious to know. Well, we didn’t have to hunt much. The attendant at the book bazaar in South Mumbai plonked half a dozen books on tantric sex in front of us. Our chatter even made a couple of students standing beside widely curious. Meanwhile, my friend chose the biggest book on tantric sex, heaved a sigh of relief, slipped it inside her bag and walked away – leaving behind the students and me with one question. What the hell is tantric sex after all?

Well, let’s take you from the basics. Tantra is a Sanskrit word which means ‘woven together.’ Hindu and Buddhist meditation practitioners use a sexual union as a metaphor for weaving together the physical and the spiritual – weaving man to woman, and humanity to the divine. The purpose is to become one with God.

We agree, the idea of tantric sex sounds unique, mysterious, interesting and might we say, quite pleasurable. After all, it is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice to expand consciousness and join together the polarities of masculine and feminine energy into a whole. But before you jump into bed hoping for some crazy yoga sex, we think you should rein in a bit. Gathering the right information and having an open mind is essential for understanding how tantric sex works.

The western form of this sacred sexuality called Tantra teaches slow, non-orgasmic sexual intercourse. But tantra is a deeper sexual experience. “Tantric sex is the ancient key to sexual pleasure and psychic power, attained through a set of rituals,” according to Ashley Thirleby, author of Tantra: The Key to Sexual Powers.

In fact, couples indulging in tantric sex, worship each other as embodiments of deities. Tantric approach to sex brings an attitude of reverence into lovemaking. It has far more to do with an individual’s mental approach than with technique or speed. Sexual intercourse is not the ultimate goal of tantric sex.

However, if you are a fan of intense and speedy intercourse, you might be put off by it. But there are many reasons why it works for so many across the globe.

–    Using sexual energy consciously, one can tap into a true source of youth and vitality.

–    Practicing tantric sex can enhance your relationship and sexual pleasure in several ways.

–    Breathing deeply and maintaining eye contact creates intimacy. Reconnecting with each other can open your heart to feeling closer, more affectionate and forgiving.

Eyes are the windows to the soul. Look into each other’s eyes for a long time.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but continue looking into each other’s eyes deeply as long as it takes to become comfortable with the practice.

It is best if you develop a ritual for the same. A ritual can be as simple as sharing a glass of wine, cooking together and feeding each other delicious food, dancing, playing, and listening to music. Spending quality time together and communicating your needs clearly, sharing what you adore about each other creates intimacy and improves understanding, which further strengthens the relationship.

Here, the intention behind practising daily rituals is to make each partner feel cherished and loved. Isn’t that what matters after all?

No more boring nights. Time to express, say and try out new things. How about tantric sex for now?

 

 

 

10 Foreplay Ideas Your Boyfriend Should Know About

By Preeti Juneja

As the legend goes, a person thinks about sex or something related to it, every 7 seconds. That is not a small amount of time, ladies, and gentlemen. So it is safe to assume, most of us really like doing it. And if you like us, and can’t wait for the next time, you should meet our friend – foreplay. One of the most recommended tools to enhance your sex life, we bring to you 10 foreplay tips and you can thank us later for an unforgettable night with your girl!

  •  Get Dirty With Your Talk

Foreplay doesn’t need to be physical. Perhaps you can whisper naughty ideas for the bedroom before you go in. The trailer before the actual session can bring the excitement up several notches!

 

  • Give Her a Sensual Massage

Figure out her erogenous zones and gently massage those areas. This will help her relax and get her in the mood. Start with the nape of her neck and go all the way down to her knees!

  • The Lip and Ear Formula

Bite her lips slowly and sensually and gently pull them to turn her on. Remember, the softer and gentler you are, the more she’s going to love it! Her ears are extremely sensitive so spend some time kissing and licking them. Breathe gently into her earlobes while your fingers you play with her lips!

 

  • Don’t Be Predictable

Who doesn’t love surprises! Try undressing her slowly and kissing her entire body along the way. Unhook her bra with just one hand and watch her be pleasantly surprised. The trick is to read her responses and improve each time!

  •  Multitask, Multitask and Multitask!

Multitasking is not only for the boardroom, try to implement it with your girl as well. Use your tongue, hands, fingers, and feet together to touch her in different places. This will surely get her to moan for sure!

  •  Going Down Is A Part Of Foreplay

Now, here’s a classic. If you haven’t hit the jackpot with either one of the above, we are ready to reveal the winner to you. One of the best foreplay tips is to lick her clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Start gently and keep increasing your tempo if you notice her liking it.

  •  Get Kinky

If your sex life needs some naughty spice, think creative! Perhaps you can get a pair of handcuffs, dress up for roleplay or indulge in sexy music or strip dance for her! Think out of the box and you’ll be surprised at the response!

  •  Perfect that Gaze

Eyes are the gateway to the soul, they say. Look your girl in the eye while making love and experience another level of pleasure. Even during foreplay, keep coming back and look her in the eye to make her feel special.

  • Make her Beg!

Kissing unexpected areas or licking her inner things are ways to drive any woman wild. Remember to move up without touching her vagina for maximum effect!

  •  Master the art of kissing

Women love passionate kisses throughout lovemaking so don’t withhold your affectionate pecks. Your act will be thoughtful and if you do it right, she might just return the gesture!

 So, in case you think it is just some red wine and roses to guarantee your partner’s satisfaction, think again. Try these foreplay ideas on her and watch those sessions get hotter day by day!

The Lipstick Under My, Your and Our Burkhas

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Dreams are fickle, you know – they are either momentary, long forgotten or are the flaming lighthouse in the middle of the stormy sea. Four women living in a society of a small town in India gets a glimpse of the lighthouse and they dare to pursue it without permission.

Oh, the horror!

Welcome to The Lipstick Under My Burkha.

It is evident that the title of the movie is symbolic and literal. The literal part is out of the way at the outset when an 18-year-old Rihanna Abidi is shopping for a fiery red lipstick so that she can impress the popular girls in her swanky new college. By shopping, I meant shop-lifting – hiding it under her burkha and running to the bus stop – away from the officials. The symbolic part continues throughout the movie each time one of the protagonists decides, either sincerely or hesitantly, to take a step more to achieve her forbidden desires.

Let’s begin with Ratna Pathak Shah’s character, shall we? A matriarch of sorts, she controls the fate of the whole mohalla and with a stern look silences many a man. However, all feelings of control and power come crashing down when she falls– hook, line, and sinker, for a swimming instructor. But is ‘a pachpan saal ki budiya’ allowed to lust for a young man? Hell, is she allowed to desire at all? Widowed and childless, Usha Parmar is buaji, a moniker stripping her of all sexuality. We even see her struggling to recall her own name at one instance. Perhaps director Alankrita’s boldest decision in the movie is to show an old hat in a scrubby bathroom, pleasuring herself. Many silently cringed behind their buckets of popcorn when Buaji, naked in her bathroom, let out a loud scream of pleasure.

Contrasting her desire is Konkana Sen Sharma. Shireen is treated as a baby machine by her husband, and is routinely raped, infected and is impregnated against her wishes. She tries to find her independence as a saleswoman and excels in her job. But as the day ends and the bed beckons, Shireen is a mute object to her husband’s selfish carnal needs. You feel for Shireen, as she fails to convince her husband to try a mere condom. But as a woman, somewhere deep, you remember a time when your partner was as selfish as him to have blindsided your needs in bed.

Standing out tall and pretty is Aahana Kumra, as Leela, who unabashedly likes sex. She chuckles when her fiancé suggests they wait in the middle of making love in a car. She is always the woman on top, but all hell breaks loose when in midst a fight she pleads, ‘sex toh complete karke jaa!’ Men have not learnt to deal with a woman like her. They want her to comply, to live with her reticent husband and turn reticent herself. But Leela wants to travel, see the world and make a business out of it. How far-fetched does that sound?

Rihanna, meanwhile, has all the makings of a college pop star. She follows the right singers, dresses well, is outspoken – but only when she is out of her burkha. Expertly leading a double life, Rihanna has somehow learned to make the burkha her ally. Interestingly, her room also wears a veil, over posters and magazine cuttings on the wall. Rihanna doesn’t wish to rebel but just wants to be a regular 18-year-old. We all know someone who is comfortably chic in baggy tees, fancy dresses and a dash of red lipstick. But all that could bring shame to her family. Rihanna is so used to her double life that at no point does she talk back to her parents, but her oratory skills can silence a protest. She survives within the rules but wants to live beyond them when no one’s looking. But is there ever a moment like that? You realise her frustration when during an impromptu speech against restrictions on women she says, ‘hume kehte hai zor se saas mat lo, chaati pe dhyaan jayega’ as one of the many examples of senseless restrictions. Ouch.

Interestingly, the movie takes a turn for the worse for the girls decide to confront their borders. Rihanna is caught with her boyfriend wearing jeans, Leela’s plan to juggle two men goes awry since neither can fathom sharing their woman, Shireen meekly exposes her husband’s extramarital affair and buaji’s dares wears a half-sleeved, skirted swimsuit, in the swimming pool.

‘Yeh dekho kaise kaise kapde pehenti hai!’ It seems.

The film holds a mirror to society but carries with it an underlying humour which cushions the sting. Perhaps that is to guarantee the male audience’s presence till the end. Agreed that the men in the movie are single layered, but scratch the surface and you will find a reason why. It is the conversation that matters, via a portion of the reality. Women are far from liberated, and here the red lipstick stands for silent rebel and unshed tears.

You realise this is precisely why the Central Board for Film Certification had a problem with this movie – how dare women discuss sex? What if the trend catches up? And God forbid, what if the society replicates it? What will happen if your 50-something-buaji watches 50 Shades Of Grey and is now looking for some action?

So what?

What? Abortion is legal?

ISHMEET NAGPAL

At a conference organised by NGO SAMYAK that I attended last year, I was struck by the ignorance of commoners who were asked to opine on abortions. People were asked they thought abortion was legal in India, and the responses were quite appalling.

Most of them thought abortion is illegal and associated it only with eliminating the female fetus.

So let’s start at the beginning. ABORTION IS LEGAL IN INDIA, and has been for over 46 years. The MTP (Medical Termination of Pregnancy) Act of 1971 (http://www.mohfw.nic.in/index1.php?lang=1&level=4&sublinkid=3615&lid=2598) clearly outlines that safe abortion can be accessed in the following conditions:
1. If the pregnancy has not exceeded 12 weeks (this rules out sex determination which can only happen after 18 weeks)
2. If pregnancy has exceeded 12 weeks but is less than 20 weeks, with consent of two registered medical practitioners, it can be terminated if:

  • Continuing the pregnancy can lead to physical or mental injury to the woman. For example, a pregnancy that resulted from rape can cause grievous mental damage to the survivor, and is eligible for an abortion.
    If a married woman’s contraception has failed, an unwanted pregnancy can be mentally taxing to her, hence she is eligible for a legal MTP.
  • If there is reason to believe that the fetus will have serious genetic abnormalities
  • To ensure safety of the woman, the Law states that abortion must only be performed at Government institutions, or at registered MTP clinics only. In fact, any unregistered practitioner performing abortion is liable for punishment.

    When the Government has made such clear guidelines to make safe abortion accessible to women, why is there such confusion about its legality?

    I think this has to do with the dissemination of messages to curb sex determination and sex selective abortions. The confusion created by using words like ‘female foeticide’ and ‘bhroon hatya’ leads the common citizen to believe that abortion is illegal and if they need one, they have to visit some shady back alley.
    The law clearly has provisions in place to prevent sex selective abortions, and yet all abortions are looked at with suspicion because of erroneous terms used in mass messaging.

    In India, a woman dies every 2 hours due to unsafe abortion.
    These women include urban, educated and supposedly empowered women as well, who could have accessed safe services, but didn’t. Some, because they may have been scared of being accused of indulging in ‘female foeticide’ and others because of social stigmas of having a pregnancy out of wedlock.

    What we have to understand is that a woman’s safety is paramount. If you are seeking an abortion:
    Go to a registered and licensed gynaecologist
    Ask them whether they have a licensed MTP centre, or can refer you to one
    They cannot ask you to bring in your spouse or partner (or your guardian if you are above 18)
    They cannot breach confidentiality
    They cannot deny you safe services if you fall within the legal purview of the MTP Act

    Be empowered with information and demand your right to safe medical services.

    With inputs from by Dr. Manjit Kaur, MBBS, a practicing Gynaecologist for more than 30 years in Ludhiana, Punjab; feedback from Dr. Arvinder Singh, who runs a Maternal Health NGO in Punjab since more than 20 years, and special thanks to Mr. Anand Pawar and Mr. Shirish Waghmare from Samyak.

    Busting Myths of the morning-after pill

    ISHMEET NAGPAL

    I had a roommate in college who was popping emergency pills about thrice a month. I really did not want to interfere but being the daughter of a gynaecologist, I was concerned about her health. So I casually asked her about it, to which her response was, “It’s convenient coz we don’t have sex that often”. For her it was a planned method of birth control and luckily did not seem to show many side effects. However, we were inspired to, what is now referred to as, ‘Google it all’, and what we found, had me dragging her for birth control counseling the next day.

    So before we tackle myths surrounding the ‘magic pill’, let me reiterate: HAVE SAFE SEX! DO NOT put yourself at risk! However, if you do make a mistake, before you run to fetch the emergency contraceptive pill (ECP), let’s get a few facts straight!

    MYTH NO. 1: The ECP will cause an ABORTION
    Please remember that the pill will only inhibit fertilisation or implantation, and will not abort an existing pregnancy, which is why it is recommended that the pill be taken within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse. If you suspect you are pregnant, please visit a gynaecologist.

    MYTH NO. 2: ECPs can be used as BIRTH CONTROL PILLS
    Even though most ECPs contain the same hormones that regular birth control pills contain, ECPs may work by either stopping the release of an egg, stopping the sperm from fertilizing the egg, or preventing a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.
    On the other hand, Birth Control Pills prevent pregnancy mainly by stopping ovulation. When the egg is not released, there is nothing to be fertilized by the sperm, and there will be no pregnancy.

    ECPs CONTAIN HIGHER DOSES OF HORMONES THAN NORMAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS.THE HIGHER DOSE CAN DISTURB YOUR MENSTRUAL CYCLE AND CAN CAUSE IRREGULAR BLEEDING.

    The operative word in ECPs is EMERGENCY. They are not for regular use.

    MYTH NO. 3: I need a MEDICAL PRESCRIPTION to buy ECPs

    ECPs are available over the counter and you do not need to consult a doctor or get a prescription to obtain them. However, it is advisable to ask your regular gynaecologist or General practitioner to recommend some for future use when required.

    MYTH NO. 4: Taking the pill too often will make me INFERTILE
    ECPs are not meant for regular use, so yes using them too often does lead to side effects like a disturbed menstrual cycle, but no, they will not make you infertile. They can even be used more than once in a single month (period cycle), even though this is not recommended because of the side effects.

    MYTH NO. 5: ECPs have PERMANENT side effects
    The emergency pills do not appear to have any permanent or long-term effects, however, short-term side effects are a very real possibility. The most common among them is nausea. If you do happen to vomit within 2 hours of taking an ECP, take another dose ASAP.

    MYTH NO. 6: ECP is my ONLY OPTION after unprotected sex
    There is also the option of having an emergency Intrauterine device (IUD) inserted into your uterus, and no, it is not as scary as it sounds. It is a small plastic and copper device that can be fitted into your uterus up to five days after unprotected sex. You can even choose to keep the IUD for up to five or 10 years. The IUD must be inserted by a licensed gynaecologist.

    Take charge of your health and your body, and never hesitate to consult a doctor. Modern medicine and modern society are all on your side. So are we!

    With inputs from Dr. Manjit Kaur, MBBS, a practicing Gynaecologist since more than 30 years in Ludhiana, Punjab.

    What is Safe Sex?

    Staying safe is a basic human right. Especially when it comes to something as intimate as sex. The physical, emotional and chemical medley that sex is, it’s quite easy to get carried away and simply forget healthy ways of doing it.

    So what’s the safe word for sex?
    It is important to have your partner’s consent and also to practice safe sex. Technically, safe sex is nothing but sexual activity engaged in by people who have taken precautions to protect themselves against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or to prevent pregnancy. Here are some important things to keep in mind about safe sex:

  • Self-will: Safe is about being into it of your own free will.
  • Secure: Safe is about feeling secure and loved, at every level of body, mind and soul.
  • Self-esteem: Safe is also about sense of positive self-esteem, a feel-good about yourself.
  • Health and hygiene: These are the basics building blocks of Safe Sex.
  • How can you make sex safer?

    Be it for protecting yourself against infections (STIs) or upping your confidence, every man or woman has the right to demand safe sex.

  • Barrier to STIs: A male or female condom acts as a latex barrier, preventing the transmission of STIs. This is your safest bet to safe sex, so get out and explore various options. Today, the market is flooded with contraceptive methods such as chocolate-flavored condoms and extra-dotted ones. Use dental dams for oral sex etc. Read more on contraception here
  • Talk safe, be safe: ‘Communication’ is the cure to most of our trials and tribulations. So is the case for engaging in safe sex with your partner. Discuss the pros and cons of various contraceptives. A loving relationship must share respect and concern for well-being, and that includes safe sex. A few words of worth can do wonders for a great sex life.
  • Stay faithful, stay safe: Discover the awesome love that endures when one is committed to one partner. Chuck out the complications from your love life and avoid having multiple sexual partners.
  • Get in control, choose the best birth control: Are you newly married or a couple who are not planning to have kids? We suggest you try oral contraceptives, with guidance from a medical practitioner. Birth control is a great way to prevent pregnancy, though it does not protect against STIs.
  • More important than ever is to be aware and informed about your sexual health. Get yourself and your partner tested for STIs and together pledge to embark on the path to sexual wellbeing. Take charge of your sexual health today and set on the journey to a beautiful and healthy life ahead.

    The Hymen – Myths and Legends Unravelled

    In several cultures, a woman’s ‘chastity’ is determined by her hymen. Here we have a compiled list of myths on the subject – uncovered and debunked.

    Know your hymen
    So what is a Hymen? It is a thin membrane that surrounds your vaginal opening. It may be of different shapes – sometimes moon-like to allow that menstrual flow to pass through. Yet, it is misinterpreted as a sign of virginity. The term ‘virginity’ is an artificial construct to imply ‘purity’ and is a highly contested subject.

    Many cultures believe that a ‘broken’ hymen is an indicator that a woman has had sex, so much so that in some orthodox cultures, ‘hymen tests’ are prescribed before marriage. That can be far from the truth. So let’s get to know this vital piece of tissue better, ultimately it’s a part of you!

    Here are some myths, busted:

    An intact hymen equals virginity: As one grows up, activities such as walking, sports, using tampons etc. can cause the hymen to tear. So a hymen can tear due to various factors other than sexual intercourse. Hymen and sex are tagged together, though there is practically no correlation. In reality, the hymen thins out till adolescence and may not even be part of some anatomies.

    The first time: You may have heard horror stories of first-time sex pain and discomfort, thanks to the hymen ‘tearing’. The pain may come due to lack of lubrication and friction while having intercourse, so it isn’t fair to blame it on that poor tissue. About 1 in 200 women have an “imperforate” hymen. That means around 0.5 percent of hymens don’t wear away normally and have openings too small for tampons or erections to comfortably enter the vagina.

    Bleeding: Sex and bloody sheets do not go hand in hand, but many women experience bleeding, the first time they have sexual intercourse. However, there are also women who have not bled the first time they had sex. Hurried, poorly lubricated sex can result in tearing of the vaginal tissues and cause bleeding, but not necessarily the tearing of the hymenal tissue.

    Let’s move beyond societal constructs of purity and understand our bodies better.

    All you need to know about popping the pill

    As with everything related to sex, contraception is something no one talks openly about. Contraception is something every woman has the right to know. However, there’s an ocean of misinformation that one has to swim through to finally arrive at the information that’s right for you.

    Contraception offers a host of benefits to individuals, families and to the community as a whole:

  • It allows couples to plan when to make decisions on family planning including when to start, stop as well as how to space
  • It is important in reducing pregnancy-related health hazards, by preventing pregnancies in quick succession and deaths from unsafe abortions due to unwanted pregnancies
  • Like many other things, there are a various methods to contraception available out there such as:

    Barrier method: This method prevents the sperm from physically entering the uterus. They encompass a wide range of products from male and female condoms to sponges, cervical caps etc.

    Condoms are the only form of contraceptives that prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Not just HIV but also infections like chlamydia and HPV which could result in infertility and cervical cancer.
    A female condom is a soft plastic sheath that covers the vagina and partly the external genitalia. It prevents against both pregnancy and STDs. The biggest advantage it offers is that it allows woman power over her birth control. However, it is more expensive compared to the male condom and insertion will require some practice.

    Hormonal Methods: These are the most effective but among the most (erroneously) maligned methods of contraception. They are available in the form of pills, injections, inserts and intrauterine devices.
    The contraceptive pill is the more popular method. They decrease menstrual cramps and discomfort, reduce the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancer and blood loss. Fertility returns to pre-pill levels within 2-3 months of discontinuation. It may cause nausea in the first month of use in some women, which is transient. Depression is the other side effect, which is seen in a very small percentage of women.
    Intrauterine devices are another method. Also popularly known as copper-T. While copper IUDs may increase menstrual bleeding and result in more painful cramps, hormonal IUDs may reduce menstrual bleeding or stop menstruation completely. They however do not affect breastfeeding and can be inserted immediately after delivery or after an abortion. Once removed, even after long-term use, fertility returns to normal immediately.

    Emergency contraception: Contrary to popular belief, these are not abortion pills. These pills should be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sexual intercourse. Nausea, breast tenderness, delayed menstruation, lower abdominal ache, headache, vomiting and irregular menstruation are just some of the side effects of the pill. Its long time usage can lead to severe menstrual problems or even ovarian damage. It’s not the most effective or the most reliable method of birth control and should be used in times of genuine emergencies like contraceptive failure (condom tearing).

    While this guide is a starter, it is best to discuss contraception methods with your healthcare provider and opt for one that both you and your partner are comfortable with.

    Getting the act right!

    We have all grown up in a closed culture where to refer to two people ‘doing it’ conjures up visuals of two flowers touching each other and the screen blurring out to allow the flowers some privacy. How romantic! But let’s face it; some of us even learnt about sex not through sex education or having ‘the talk’ with parents, but by watching movies (read wrong movies) and maybe some erotica. Worse still, some of us have grown on pornography and still imagine others’ sex lives to be as rollicking as those actors’. The result: A lot of misconceptions and myths are circulated amongst people on sex, some of which may harm them in the long run.

    Sex, even today is a taboo and people don’t like discussing it openly. But come on! It is an important as well a wonderful part of our lives. Furthermore, it is our duty and right to know more, as much as we need to know our geography and civics. Most of us have a lot of questions about sex, but don’t know whom to ask and where to look for. So we have tried to draw up a few basic points which could help you begin well. Of course, it’s not defined like in a rulebook, but that is the natural progression nevertheless.

    So, how do we do it?
    You are an adult or are mentally and physically mature enough to make love with your partner. It’s natural to be nervous, but take it easy. Don’t pressurize yourself to ‘perform’ – it’s a natural act so be yourself. But here are a few tips or points you might want to keep in mind to make your experience a beautiful and smooth one for both.
    Set the mood: You may need to set the mood right, to initiate the act of making love. You can start by cuddling and hugging. This may get you comfortable and let you enjoy each other’s company while slowly easing into the act.
    Kiss it up: Usually you begin making love with a passionate kiss. Enjoy the warmth of a nice long kiss to get physically close and express your intimate feelings. Don’t rush it in, or bite. And puhlease…don’t rely on porn films to teach you that. Be gentle or passionate, depending on what the two of you are in the mood for.

    Foreplay: As you move on, you will feel like exploring each others’ bodies. Cuddling, fondling, kissing each other all over your bodies (especially the erogenous parts) are integral to foreplay. And foreplay is imperative as it determines the quality of your final intercourse. The better the foreplay, the more exciting and passionate your climax. So make each other happy, make each other feel wanted and don’t rush into it. You will know you are both ready for the finale.

    The Act: Penetrative sex comes naturally, after some exciting foreplay. If you and your partner are still exploring, it can be a good idea to ask if s/he is ready till the time you get a hang of each other’s rhythms. It’s also important to choose a position that’s comfortable to both. You could choose from over 200 positions. (Don’t start looking up the menu then, know well in advance what is it that makes you and your partner both comfortable :))

    Insertion: When you get down to the right position, the male partner will try inserting his penis in the vagina. If this is your girl’s first time, then please be gentle. The guy should be gentle and slowly thrust himself in. And hey lady, guide your man to minimize his feeling of being ‘lost’ or getting pain. Thereafter, as the penis penetrates deeper inside with each thrust, you are just one step away from achieving an orgasm.

    The Climax: This is when ejaculation happens for both the partners. It is the highest point of your act of making love, the most sensual and pleasurable aspect of sex. Also called orgasm, it’s the ultimate blissful state of mind and body, when you will feel complete and made love to. Enjoy those few minute of elation, with your bodies all charged up and the mind in a blank state. Please keep in mind that orgasms in women might be a little delayed as a woman needs more foreplay. Men, avoid rushing into the climax for fear of premature ejaculation. Both partners should be equally satisfied, but sadly a lot of men fail to recognise that their women too have the right to orgasm. Make sure you give her the best and what she deserves!

    A word of caution!
    Sex must always be about feeling good about yourself and your partner. But the most important factor here is ‘consent’. Avoid forcing your partner into sexual activities they aren’t comfortable with. Respect your partner and their choices as well. Also, we strongly advise use of contraceptives or condoms so as to avoid unwanted pregnancies and transmission of sexual infections or diseases.

    All you need to know about bras!

    Bras are your breasts’ best friends. If you are reading this and going “Really?”, read on and you will know why we say that. Most women find them restrictive and cannot wait to get home and remove them but finding the right one can change all that.

    If you are on that exhausting quest to find the perfect bra, this guide should come in handy:

    1. Coverage check: If you wear a bra that’s the wrong size, the bra’s band will either feel tight and uncomfortable around your ribcage or it will be too loose and ride up. Bras that are too small in the cup will compress the breasts and force them to bulge out the sides. Cups that are too big can wrinkle and pucker, which won’t look good under clothes.
    2. Strap sense: Straps are not made for carrying all the weight, bands are. If your shoulders hurt, it is a sign of an inappropriate size.
    3. Go gap-hunting: The central part of the bra should lie flat on your chest (the bone called sternum). If it is lying on the breast tissue then it is not the ideal fit for you.
    4. Under-wires: If wearing an underwire bra, make sure the underwire lies flat on your rib-cage, beneath your bra. Is the piece of metal digging into your breast tissue? Something’s wrong- either the style or the cup size. Move up a cup size and feel the difference, or simple change the style.
    5. Bands: The band of the bra must be horizontal all around your body, parallel to the ground. A band that’s riding up indicates a larger band size, so consider moving down a size. The band should be such that you are able to slip in one finger under the band in the front and one at the back.

    Bras can bring out those curves while ensuring comfort and you don’t have to compromise on one to gain the other. And do remember to update your lingerie closet every six months!

    Mutual Masturbation – The Secret to a Spiced up Sex Life!

    PREETI JUNEJA

    Meet Kiran. She is a successful production assistant who’s been living with her boyfriend, Jay, an Art Director, for 3 years now. Their busy life leaves little room for them to spend enough quality time together. Before they knew it, life became a mundane routine with a lot of “I’ll be home late tonight” or “Not tonight honey, I am exhausted.”
    It is not uncommon for couples like Kiran and Jay to blame their lack of intimacy in the bedroom on busier, more stressful, fast paced lives. After years of living together, as the comfort quotient goes up, the motivation to spice things up often dwindles. Having said that, your bedroom antics are an important determinant of how happy you are in your relationship.

    Taking out Time

    While taking time off from all work appointments and social dos may seem like a task at first, all you need to do is talk to your partner and make time to reignite the fire that once lit up your bedroom.
    Spicing up Your Sex Life
    If you are not into role play, dirty talk or any of those conventional recommendations that one reads about in waiting-room magazines, consider upping the game a little by asking your boyfriend to masturbate in front of you.

    For both men and women, self-masturbation is typically a private time to please themselves. It is a known fact that men masturbate for a simple, convenient and fast sexual release. And it is finally time to admit it out in the open that as women, we love masturbating too!

    For women, self-pleasure is a great way to indulge in themselves on their own terms.

    And mutual masturbation is a great way to be able to create a mood, just the way you like, while both partners can take their own time.

    What is Mutual Masturbation?

    Simply put, mutual masturbation is self-pleasing in front of your partner while your partner masturbates in front of you. You could choose to do it at the same time, or take turns. Either way, you will be able to create a sensual setting that allows you to maximize the pleasure of each other’s bodies while letting your imagination run wild.

    Why should you try it?

    Mutual masturbation is, without doubt, a fun and sexy experience. That said, a surprisingly large number of couples are shy about trying.

    Many may even be apprehensive about discussing masturbation as a topic. However, the first time you try it, you will find that watching your partner masturbate, and even talk about what he is thinking about during the act, allows you to pick up some great pointers on how he likes things in bed.

    Watching your partner masturbate in front of you will go a long way in establishing a strong physical and emotional bond, overcome apprehensions and be more confident in bed.

    THE LSD PODCAST OF THE WEEK: ASEXUALITY – IS IT BAD FOR SEX?

    Listen to this humdinger of an episode of LSD (Love, Sex, Dating), India’s first podcast on…..well…love, sex and dating, where the intrepid hosts and self-styled intimacy coaches Prem and Rogue have plenty to say. This one deals with ‘Asexuality and is it worth risking your relationship over it’.

    Episode Link:


    About LSD:

    The Love, Sex, and Dating podcast with siblings Prem + Rogue playing hosts, helps you navigate the wild waters of relationships, quasi relationships, and singleness in the Indian context. Shoot your questions on sexuality ranging from condoms, cheating, foreplay, bromances, jealousy, oral sex, porn, lubricants and more, and listen to them discuss it with candour, humour, and a feminist take on everything. If you got any feedback / suggestions / answers, share them with us at lsdcast@sonologue.com or find @LSDcast on Twitter.

    Why Sex is Good for Relationships

    WHY SEX IS GOOD FOR RELATIONSHIPS

    No, not everyone knows why sex is important in a relationship. For some it’s simply a ‘must-do’ ritual by now. For some it’s more about pleasure or the feel-good factor of having a fling or affair. For the married ones, it’s a baby-making formula after a few years.

    But sex is much more than a physical need, guys. We are sexual people, most of us. We feel the need, we need the feel. It is an adhesive to help keep a couple stay in love, for that ‘majboot jod’. So let’s talk about it and see why sex is goooood in a relationship:

    The chemical un-locha of sex:

    Sex is so much beyond the mere act of pleasure. It is all about the good things like love and romance as well! It makes you feel complete, happy and helps develop that oh-so-intimate bond with your partner!  

    Good sex would mean a chemical jumble which gives a happy high, which is important for any relationship – be it a marriage, affair or a live-in. And it IS one of the means to happiness and content in a relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Get high on good, safe, sex, not drugs

    Do you feel an ecstatic high after a sex session? If not..phhtt…you need to talk to your partner about it. Or consult an expert. If yes, ever wonder why? The answer lies in your chemicals. See, the act of good sex releases endorphins (those feel-good hormones that enhance your mood). So, a  couple of such mood boosters a week, and you have the perfect formula to get that chemical happy-high. And know what? All this happiness may rub off on your partner, making him/her happier and cheering up your life!

    The Feel-Good Touch

    Also, sex is a way of manifesting human touch in different forms. The kind of touch varies according to mood, occasion and so on. In fact, touching a loved one releases these good chemicals too. After all, who doesn’t like a loving caress? Or the wild turn-on? Or the lovey-dovey cuddle. These acts of touchy love gets that wonderful intimacy going. It’s a special feeling that makes you crave for your partner, physically and emotionally.

    What Sex Does

    • Sex is way beyond mere physical intimacy and hormonal juices. It creates a connection between minds.
    • Promoting physical intimacy creates reassurance of togetherness and a deeper understanding of each other.
    • It fulfils the basic human need of being wanted and needed. A psychological bridge is built on the foundation of intimate moments, establishing a comfort beyond belief.
    • A healthy sexual relationship between partners does wonders for both partner’s self-confidence and build a positive self-concept!

    You don’t have to make a jungle book of your kama sutra stunts, but definitely go wild whenever and wherever you get a chance. As they say, “You don’t have a dirty mind, you have a sexy imagination! So go, sex up your sex lives, stay happy.

    How to master the art of conception

    All About Conceiving

    Trying to get pregnant but not getting the dates, the position or the mood in place? Let’s first help get your facts right to get your act right 😉 It is important to know all about the best time and best technique to conceive, as it is important to know how to detect whether you have conceived, and what to expect after that. So here’s some friendly facts about the ‘art of conception’:

     

    What is the meaning of ‘conception’?

    You might have heard many women using the terminology ‘trying to conceive’. What does that imply? In simplest terms, Conceiving is the initiation of pregnancy. In scientific terms, it is when the woman’s egg and her partner’s sperm fuse or unite, and fertilize to form a new embryo in the womb. Once the embryo is conceived, it gets implanted in the uterus, ready to grow and develop into a baby! And that’s when you are actually pregnant.

     

    How do you work towards conception?

    The art of conception is different for different people. It is important to increase the frequency of having sex, particularly five days prior to ovulation period and two days post ovulation. Other suggestions may include prescribing hormones or simply lifestyle modifications such as exercise and diet to reduce weight and reduce stress. To each her (and his) own.

    How would you know if you have successfully conceived?

    The missing of a period is generally the first sign of conception, as your uterus retains its lining to nourish the embryo. Hence, it can’t afford to discard off the lining as menses!

    Next, your doctor shall calculate the date of conception, generally the first day of the last period you had is taken as the date for calculating a gestation period of 40 weeks.

    There are of course, other ways to know whether you are pregnant or not by taking some pregnancy tests.

     

    So if you are a new mom in the making, take the plunge. Happy New Baby!

     

    “Dr. Vivek Arora is an advisory doctor for SheAndYou, providing invaluable practical insights on matters of female wellness for our column. He is a keen propagator of health awareness and volunteers to create and validate content that benefits our readers.”

    Dr. Vivek Arora completed MBBS (1999) and MS (2003) from the renowned Maulana Azad Medical College, New Delhi and enjoys contributing content to medical journals towards educating people on health and wellbeing. No wonder he is known as the “doctor who writes”!

    Safe Sex Way or the Highway

    Sex is a universal truth, everyone engages in it and enjoys it! Yet this very pleasurable experience may turn out to be a nightmare, if not done right! The UNAIDS has recorded that there were approximately 36.7 million people worldwide living with HIV/AIDS at the end of 2015. Moreover despite all the awareness propaganda, an additional 2.1 million individuals worldwide became newly infected with HIV in 2015! Life-destructing to say the least, that to when it’s completely avoidable!

    What is safe sex?

    Sex must be a pleasurable experience, in mind, body and soul. It must make you feel wanted and desired, at the same time evoke love and respect. It should lead to healthy and happy life, not be a disaster in the making. Sometimes, all the jazz that is portrayed around sex kind of blows the concept of sex out of proportion, attaching dangerous notions to it. This is especially confusing for those who are new to it. It is your birth right and responsibility to always stay safe, the same applies to sex. That’s why it is important to know what Safe Sex is all about.

    Technically, Safe sex is when one engages in sexual activity after taking the necessary precautions to protect themselves against sexually transmitted infections (STI) and/or to prevent pregnancy. We can sum it up as SSSH as follows:

    •   Self-will: You must feel safe and secure while indulging in any sexual activity. Exercise your own free will, do not come under pressure, for you may later feel sorry for yourself.
    •   Secure: Sex is not just the physical act, great sex is also a result of bonding between partners. One must feel secure and loved, throughout.
    •   Self-esteem: Sex must make you feel good about yourself and not give rise to self-doubt of guilt. It should build a positive self-esteem in you- about your body and mind. Insulting behaviours like body shaming, forcefully engaging in sex can destroy self-esteem.
    •   Health and hygiene: Be sure to stay healthy and hygienic, know your limits and stick to them during sex.

     Why it is important to be protected?

    Once sexually active, a woman undergoes changes in body and mind. A direct outcome of unprotected sex is pregnancy. So hey, if you are not looking at having a baby soon, better to be safe and stick to protection or contraception. Safe and protected sex is the best preventive measure rather than opting for an abortions later on.

    Sexual intercourse may lead to body fluids being transferred from one person to another, along with it carrying disease. Sexually transmitted infections and diseases such as HIV, AIDS, Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Genital herpes, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C are some of the conditions that can be transmitted sexually. The risk level increase in the case of multiple partners.

    As they say, prevention is better than cure. So why not use the best of preventive methods and enjoy safe sex!

    How can you make sex safer for yourself?

    Every woman has the right to demand Safe Sex, so go on and take your pick and get ready to SSSH!

    ✓       Your barrier to STIs, literally: A male or female condom acts as a latex barrier, offering dual protection in terms of prevention of STIs as well as providing contraception. When used properly, it is the most effective means of ensuring safe sex. This is your safest bet to safe sex, so find out more about the barrier-based contraceptives for both males and females. Today the market is flooded with kinky stuff like chocolate flavoured condoms and extra-dotted ones for the O-Some Orgasm! Get all exploratory and enjoy the ride to safe sex! Deep dive into the world of contraceptives since any type of contact may lead to an STI. Use dental dams for oral sex! Read more on contraception in our Sex Ed section.

    ✓        Talk safe, be safe: Talk the S word with your partner. Together, discuss the pros and cons of various contraceptives, what you like and do not like, and decide what suits your sex life the best! A loving relationship must share respect and concern for well-being, and that includes safe sex! So speak up the theme “Safe”!

    ✓        Sex during Safe period: In a typical 28 days cycle, days 8-18 are considered optimal for conception. Alternatively, sex outside this fertile window has very low possibility of resulting in pregnancy. This can be considered safe sex in the limited context of birth control (RHYTHM METHOD). However, it is not a fool proof method and does not offer any protection against STIs. It is, therefore, recommended only for committed, loyal, preferably married couples.

    ✓        Stay faithful, stay safe: Loyalty towards one partner can go a long way in staying safe. Multiple partners (even not overlapping) may lead to complications. For example, the HIV virus can remain dormant in our system for years (without one knowing) and be passed on through sexual intercourse. It’s a good idea to get yourself tested for HIV, if this is the case.

    ✓        Get in control, choose the best birth control: Having babies or not, the decision is entirely yours. But you can exercise a control in your life by choosing the best form of birth control method that suits you. While oral contraceptives will not protect against STIs, barrier-contraceptives will. Try out alternatives, consult a doctor and be worry free.

    More important than ever, Be Aware! Be Informed! Get yourself and your partner tested for STIs and together pledge to start off on the path to a Sexual wellbeing!  Take charge of your sexual health today and carve your path to beautiful SEXperiences!

    safesexway-or-the-highway2

     

    “Dr. Vivek Arora is an advisory doctor for SheAndYou, providing invaluable practical insights on matters of female wellness for our column. He is a keen propagator of health awareness and volunteers to create and validate content that benefits our readers.”

    Dr. Vivek Arora completed MBBS (1999) and MS (2003) from the renowned Maulana Azad Medical College, New Delhi and enjoys contributing content to medical journals towards educating people on health and wellbeing. No wonder he is known as the “doctor who writes”!

     

    Lets Talk Sex!

    Silly whispers, confusing questions and half-baked answers that talk about the bees and the birds. Your curiosity gets the better of you. Talk about sex is here and everywhere, more often than not covered in a veil of secrecy and exchanged with wide eyes! Get your bare basics right, the right way. Read it for yourself!

    The How of ‘Sex’

    Sex is not new to the world, though it may pose a thousand questions for you! Afterall, that’s how you came into this world in the first place! Much has been written and spoken about this this physiological and biological need of all human beings. Yet, since much of it is considered “adult talk” and a “forbidden fruit”, you may find access to authentic information hard to get by. Get over dreary manuals and “how-to” guides, sex is fun, and it’s your right to make sense of this phenomenon in a fun way! Here are a girl and her elder sister, just like you who are curious to know more too!

    Priya: Hey Riya, did you know, I came across this magazine that talked about “getting into the mood” for sex. I wonder what that means!

    Riya: Oh it’s not like the movies you know, where they’re every ready to “do it”! Unless you have your hormones raging at an all-time high (which is very unlikely), you may need to set the mood for turning on the heat! You love cuddling right? Cuddle up with your loved one, maybe light up a few candles and relax in the aromas. Get the head on!

    Priya: Yeah I always love the warm glow of candles. You know what! The other day, we had our first kiss! And what a kiss it was- that warm and fuzzy feelings bowled me over! How was yours?

    Riya: Don’t even start on that, kisses always get me going in the intimacy department. That’s my first step to getting physically close, and I’m sure a good kiss does the deal for an intimate session! Ohh for Hollywood that has romanticised the French kiss, with Prince Charming and all that! I guess we girls just can’t resist it! By the way, a kiss is one of the most natural ways to arouse a girl, by building a close emotional bond and enveloping her in a feeling of safety! I guess it’s a kiss or miss it!

    Priya: I totally agree! But the article talked about foreplay and how to get it right! I’ve heard so much about foreplay, but a bit nervous- what will or will not work for us?

    Riya: Ya, foreplay is literally that- play! So unfold the fun with Foreplay. You the way sex is portrayed these days as a “thing to be done for the sake of it”. I think there’s an old world charm about the entire act- I treat it more like a journey- discovering each other, likes, dislikes and preferences! They may tell you that foreplay is nothing but what you do before you actually have intercourse. But how that happens- frankly there’s a lot to be learnt! Kissing, fondling, stimulating your partner’s in a sexy way- the possibilities for great foreplay are endless! You are creative aren’t you, why not rake up your creativity in this department too? 😛

    Priya: Lol. That’s getting me really intrigued! You sure know how to pique my curiosity. Some say, foreplay is sometimes even better than the actual act itself! Now, I wonder what’s it like to be “doing it”!

    Riya: Well yes, the most common method of sex is penetrative sex. Don’t think too much about it, it would come naturally to you, after some exciting foreplay. In fact, if you and your partner are still exploring, it can be a good idea to ask, till the time you get a hang of each other’s rhythms! It’s also important to choose a position that’s comfortable to both, to minimize those awkward moments or muscle pulls! After all, you don’t want to be shouting an “ouch” rather than an ‘ahhh’! Make sure the insertion happens in a proper direction, this is the real act, when the penis enters the vagina. You know, it’s important to guide the penis straight inside, to minimize feeling ‘lost’ or pain. Thereafter, the penis penetrates deeper inside with each thrust. I can assure you it’s an SEXperience, a raunchy ride!

    Priya: Wow! Looks like a ride indeed! But how do I know it’s done? Surely there would be no alarm to indicate time up!

    Riya: That’s called the climax- that’s when the penis ejaculates. It’s also called orgasm, it’s the ultimate blissful destination for your body! Enjoy this state of elation, with your bodies all charged up mind in a blank state! A precious moment is born, share the purity of this moment by just holding each other.

    Priya: Hmmm. This really helps, I am less apprehensive about this undercover word now! And frankly I feel more confident of taking it on!

    Riya: Remember, whatever you do, sex must be about feeling good about yourself and your partner, it is about two loving people exploring a whole new world of pleasure and intimacy! Now, the whole world is enjoying it, why shouldn’t you, provided it’s the right way J

    letstalksex2

    “Dr. Vivek Arora is an advisory doctor for SheAndYou, providing invaluable practical insights on matters of female wellness for our column. He is a keen propagator of health awareness and volunteers to create and validate content that benefits our readers.”

    Dr. Vivek Arora completed MBBS (1999) and MS (2003) from the renowned Maulana Azad Medical College, New Delhi and enjoys contributing content to medical journals towards educating people on health and wellbeing. No wonder he is known as the “doctor who writes”!

    Four types of Sex – An article by Devdutt Patnaik

    Hindu texts often declare that the four goals of human life are dharma (ethics), artha (wealth), kama (pleasure), and moksha (liberation). As one goes through Hindu scriptures one finds different types of sexual activity that can easily be classified as dharma sex, artha sex, kama sex, and moksha sex.

    In dharma sex, the purpose of sexual activity is only procreation. There is no love here, no desire, and no attachment, just duty. The man approaches the woman during her ovulatory period with the sole intention of conceiving a child in her womb only when she invites him, for only she knows when her body is most ready to conceive. When she approaches a suitable man, whether he is her husband or not, he is obliged to do the needful; if she does not, he is cursed. We see this form of sex between rishis and their wives. Diti, for example, approaches Kashyapa at a time that is reserved for his evening prayers. Kashyapa is obliged to go to her but warns that the children born of the union will be asuras. Thus are Hiranayaksha and Hiranakashipu born. Kashyapa cannot say no as his wife has approached him during the ovulatory period making this sex dharma sex. In another story, Kardama obliges to have sex with Devahuti only for the purpose of having a child. After his wife conceives, he retires to the forest. Eventually Devahuti gives birth to Kapila muni who is renowned for his Samkhya philosophy. Vyasa rishi also goes to the widowed wives of Vichitrayvirya without any desire during their ovulatory period on instructions of his mother, Satyavati, to ensure they conceive sons.

    In kama sex, the purpose is pleasure, nothing else. Here the focus is to indulge the senses and excite the mind and achieve orgasm. Homosexuality falls in this category as it has no procreative purpose. This is what the apsaras lure the rishis with. Kama, the god of desire, is feared as a great warrior who defeats the mightiest of sages. He only faced defeat before Shiva, the supreme ascetic, no one else. So it is ironical that Shiva is the fountainhead of the Kama-sutra, the treatise on lovemaking. It was transmitted by Nandi, Shiva’s bull, who witnessed the lovemaking of Shiva and Shakti, or overheard their conversation on the erotic arts, and was eventually put down in writing by sages such as Shvetaketu, Babhravya, Dattaka and finally Vatsyayana. Kama sex is seen as a lethal force that can distract the ambitious from the goal. Thus Vishnu takes the form of Mohini and by mere promise of pleasurable intimacy tricks the asuras so that they are denied a share of amrita, the nectar of immortality. Tilotamma, the apsara, uses it to cause a fight between the asura brothers Sunda and Upasunda. And finally, Agnivarna, the last scion of the famous Raghu clan to which Ram belongs, falls victim to the excesses of kama sex and dies premature death according to Kalidasa’s Raghuvamsa.

    In artha sex, sex is a transaction. Sex is used as a service offered in exchange for material favours. This was most commonly used by women known as ganikas or courtesans who provided all kinds of pleasure to men who were willing to pay for their services. But it was not restricted to ganikas. In the Mahabharata, Satyavati’s father offers his daughter to Shantanu only on condition that he make her children the heirs to his throne. There is also the story of Yayati offering his daughter, Madhavi, to any king in exchange for two hundred horses. Thus sex becomes a commercial transaction. In the Kathasaritsagar is the story where a handsome man is invited to make a girl pregnant, as her husband is dead, and she needs a child; he is paid handsomely for it. In other folk story, a man who marries the widowed queen gets to be the king. Thus artha sex is not restricted to women alone.

    Finally, there is moksha sex where sex is seen as a technique to break free from the unending cycle of birth and death. This idea is prevalent in Tantrik texts where sex is not about pleasure or procreation or commercial transaction; it is about gaining magical powers known as siddhi that enables one to control nature. In the Bhagavata one hears of Lakshmi seated on the lap of Datta, son of Atri and Anasuya, who holds a bowl of liquor in his hand, and is busy in secret rites that escapes the understanding of the sages who chance upon him. King Yadu learns that despite appearances Datta is cool and not burned by the fire of sexual desire, thus indicating his wisdom and liberation. In the narratives of Matsyendranath and Gorakshnath one offers hears reference to yoginis who live alone in the kadali-vana or banana grove, who have access to occult powers, and who will offer this only to one who is capable of having sex with them. This idea is found in stories of Padmasambhava, who took Buddhism to the Himalayan region too. Tara reveals this knowledge to Bodhisattva and Shakti reveals it to Shiva as Lakshmi reveals it to Datta, the ascetic form of Vishnu.

    People argue if making love, or sex born of affection and love, where the desire is simply to please the partner is kama sex or moksha sex. No one is sure even though it is clear in this kind of lovemaking the ego takes a back seat.

    Thus we find sex being seen in different ways in ancient Hindu scriptures. For the sages, dharma sex was recommended so that they could procreate children and please their ancestors without breaking the vow of celibacy. Kama sex and artha sex belonged to householders. Moksha sex was again reserved for sages who followed the ‘left-hand’ path associated with Tantra.

    fourtypesofsex

    Devdutt Pattanaik writes on relevance of mythology in modern times, especially in areas of management, governance and leadership.

    Oh my G!

    Do you love unravelling mysteries, especially so when they’re all about you? Here’s the perfect challenge, it’s about discovering the secret to your sensual pleasure- the G spot! Mystical and much talked about since ages, get to know your G! And introduce your man to it too! It is after all, the awesome ride to sexual gratification as a couple!

    What’s great about the G?

    Get over the usual alphet- Gab is for Gräfenberg, named after the German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenbergan! An erogenous area of the vagina that when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal and powerful orgasms. It is one of the most sensitive areas of the female sex organ, almost like a spongy tissue. An overdose of nerve tissue and blood vessels makes it extra sensitive!

    My my, your very own pleasure powerhouse is here, ready to be explored!

    G Spot.jpg

    G Spot.jpg

    Go on a treasure hunt: Finding your G!

    It’s time to go treasure hunting! Some 2-3 inches inside your vagina i.e. between the vaginal opening and urethra, on the front wall, is this mystical part! It lies on the same side as your belly button (and not towards your back), so make sure you go about feeling the frontal part of your V! Not able to quite place it, don’t sweat about it! Light up some candles, watch some porn and have a lot of foreplay before you start the hunt. Coz the G-spot is just like the male prostate, when you are sexually aroused it protrudes and expands prominently coming out. So turn up the heat and get aroused, coz if you aren’t, your G-spot will not swell or be sensitive which in turn will create a problem while finding it. A classic way to locate your G-spot is by lying down on your back with some pillows propping you up, and inserting your finger/ your partner’s finger inside the vagina with the palm facing up. Go as far in as it can in a “come here” motion. If you can’t find it straight up, turn towards the right or left and feel for a rough tissue, somewhat like the surface of a walnut!

    enGage with your G!

    Once you locate it, what do you do? Unleash ripples of pleasure pangs, by stimulating the sensational spot- massage it, stroke it, and play with it. Try circular motions or up-down strokes, the idea is to generate loads of friction and really work up the heat! Up for some Sexperimentation? Take on a challenge! A fun way is to try hitting your G during sex! The butterfly position or the doggie position during sex are best suited, chances of the penis hitting right at your G are good due to a forward curvature!

    So how do you know you’ve got it spot on? Plenty of women report that it has the power to produce ripples of erotic sexual pleasure, leading to intense magical ‘female ejaculations’ or orgasms! While some may enjoy a warm gushing feeling throughout, others revel in the wetness and squirting it induces.

    Closing Line: So what are you waiting for? GO girl- Get going on the G and unlock the big O!