We have all grown up in a closed culture where to refer to two people ‘doing it’ conjures up visuals of two flowers touching each other and the screen blurring out to allow the flowers some privacy. How romantic! But let’s face it; some of us even learnt about sex not through sex education or having ‘the talk’ with parents, but by watching movies (read wrong movies) and maybe some erotica. Worse still, some of us have grown on pornography and still imagine others’ sex lives to be as rollicking as those actors’. The result: A lot of misconceptions and myths are circulated amongst people on sex, some of which may harm them in the long run.
Sex, even today is a taboo and people don’t like discussing it openly. But come on! It is an important as well a wonderful part of our lives. Furthermore, it is our duty and right to know more, as much as we need to know our geography and civics. Most of us have a lot of questions about sex, but don’t know whom to ask and where to look for. So we have tried to draw up a few basic points which could help you begin well. Of course, it’s not defined like in a rulebook, but that is the natural progression nevertheless.
So, how do we do it?
You are an adult or are mentally and physically mature enough to make love with your partner. It’s natural to be nervous, but take it easy. Don’t pressurize yourself to ‘perform’ – it’s a natural act so be yourself. But here are a few tips or points you might want to keep in mind to make your experience a beautiful and smooth one for both.
Set the mood: You may need to set the mood right, to initiate the act of making love. You can start by cuddling and hugging. This may get you comfortable and let you enjoy each other’s company while slowly easing into the act.
Kiss it up: Usually you begin making love with a passionate kiss. Enjoy the warmth of a nice long kiss to get physically close and express your intimate feelings. Don’t rush it in, or bite. And puhlease…don’t rely on porn films to teach you that. Be gentle or passionate, depending on what the two of you are in the mood for.
Foreplay: As you move on, you will feel like exploring each others’ bodies. Cuddling, fondling, kissing each other all over your bodies (especially the erogenous parts) are integral to foreplay. And foreplay is imperative as it determines the quality of your final intercourse. The better the foreplay, the more exciting and passionate your climax. So make each other happy, make each other feel wanted and don’t rush into it. You will know you are both ready for the finale.
The Act: Penetrative sex comes naturally, after some exciting foreplay. If you and your partner are still exploring, it can be a good idea to ask if s/he is ready till the time you get a hang of each other’s rhythms. It’s also important to choose a position that’s comfortable to both. You could choose from over 200 positions. (Don’t start looking up the menu then, know well in advance what is it that makes you and your partner both comfortable :))
Insertion: When you get down to the right position, the male partner will try inserting his penis in the vagina. If this is your girl’s first time, then please be gentle. The guy should be gentle and slowly thrust himself in. And hey lady, guide your man to minimize his feeling of being ‘lost’ or getting pain. Thereafter, as the penis penetrates deeper inside with each thrust, you are just one step away from achieving an orgasm.
The Climax: This is when ejaculation happens for both the partners. It is the highest point of your act of making love, the most sensual and pleasurable aspect of sex. Also called orgasm, it’s the ultimate blissful state of mind and body, when you will feel complete and made love to. Enjoy those few minute of elation, with your bodies all charged up and the mind in a blank state. Please keep in mind that orgasms in women might be a little delayed as a woman needs more foreplay. Men, avoid rushing into the climax for fear of premature ejaculation. Both partners should be equally satisfied, but sadly a lot of men fail to recognise that their women too have the right to orgasm. Make sure you give her the best and what she deserves!
A word of caution!
Sex must always be about feeling good about yourself and your partner. But the most important factor here is ‘consent’. Avoid forcing your partner into sexual activities they aren’t comfortable with. Respect your partner and their choices as well. Also, we strongly advise use of contraceptives or condoms so as to avoid unwanted pregnancies and transmission of sexual infections or diseases.